從一位寫不出論文的研究生說起：逆寫社會工作專業帝國

Abstract

研究的起點，始自於我寫不出社會工作碩士論文的生活混亂。後來，在自我敘事研究的觸動和感召下，過往熟悉量化科學實證典範的我，大膽決意以身為度，並選定後現代的自我民族誌為研究方法，企圖返身逆寫「我」寫不出論文的生命故事。因而，我開始動筆敘說、書寫「我」除了是「寫不出論文的研究生」之外，同時還是「勞動家庭的獨生子」、「科大社工」以及「政大社工所的研究生」 的多重自我，藉此重說「我」如何成為一名「寫不出論文的研究生」的問題全貌。\n\n 於是，循著敘說、書寫生成多重自我的生命軌跡，還有反覆來回透過辨識自我內在慾望投射的自問自答，不斷穿梭、擺盪在內外衝突、夾擊的自我意識和社會／歷史情境後，我逐步超克了禁錮真實自我的自我懷疑與卑下意識，並將規訓、壓迫生命主體的生活／專業意識形態，有條理的循序外化至社群集體經驗與台灣社會工作專業建制史所銘刻的社會／歷史脈絡之中：由此，這終於使得我得以斷然覺悟「我」之所以寫不出論文的斷裂經驗，一方面主要是肇因於個人主體深陷台灣社會工作專業發展的歷史主體（社會工作專業帝國的主體／美式社會工作專業）與主體歷史（自我殖民的主體／高教社工）對於本土助人工作多元主體的多重交互宰制；另一方面則是充份體現了台灣社會工作在專業建制的過程，絕大多數的社群成員迄今仍未省覺、滌清自身信仰、熟悉的專業制度／知識典範對於多元主體在本土助人工作實踐上的錯認與賤斥之虛假意識。\n\n 最後，敘說、書寫論文的過程讓我明白所謂的助人專業，其實就是助人工作者必須知曉如何讓自己成為「弱者／他者／劣者」，貼近常規邊陲者的日常生活經驗，而不是不斷企求更加崇高社會地位。所以，我終於能告訴自己：我已經不需要再為自我難堪的過去感到自卑了，只因過往的苦難經驗，以及被社群成員賤斥、責難為他者／劣者的不堪，如今反而讓我領悟我比誰都還要有條件能成為一名「好社工」。是故，努力在壓迫、衝突不斷的現實社會中活出自己最真實、自在的樣態，這也才是我所應信仰，所欲追求、實踐的社會工作專業。

This thesis originated from a chaotic life that I led as a graduate student who could not produce a qualified master thesis on social work. Later, moved and inspired by self-narration, I, who used to be familiar with quantitative scientific experimental methodology, boldly made up my mind to choose postmodern autoethnography as the research methodology, to reflexively investigate on my own life story in which “I” could not complete a thesis. Therefore, I started to write and narrate about “myself,” with multiple identities of “a graduate student who couldn’t write a thesis,” “ the only son from a working class family,” “a social worker from a university of technology,” and “a graduate student in Social Work Department of NCCU,” hoping to reconstruct a full view of how “I” became “a graduate student who could not produce a master thesis.”\n\n Therefore, following the tracks by narrating and writing about the multiple selves in my life, and repetitive self-questioning and self-answering to distinguish the things reflected by the inner desire, I gradually overcame the self-suspiciousness and unconscious inferiority complex that imprison my true self after constantly going through and swinging between inner and outer conflicts, oppressed self-identity and social/historical context. Then I orderly connected the life/professional ideology that disciplined and repressed the subjects to the society’s collective experience and social /historical context constructed by the establishment history of professional social work in Taiwan, from where I terminally realized why “I” could not produce my own master thesis. On the one hand, it was because I as an individual was trapped in the big subject, namely the development history of social work profession in Taiwan (the subject of social work profession empire/ American social work profession) and the subjective history(self-colonized subject/ highly-educated social workers), and dominated or controlled by multiple subjects of local social work. On the other hand, it perfectly presented the institutional process of social work in Taiwan, in which most members from many social groups are hardly aware of or clear about how the profession system/ knowledge example they believe and acquaint with results in misunderstanding and fake ideology of excluding others in the realization of local social work. \n\n Last but not least, during the process of narrating and writing the thesis, I realized that the so-called helping profession means that helping professionals should know how to make themselves “the weaker/ the other/ the inferior” so that they can personally experience the daily of the minority groups instead of seeking for a higher and more noble social status. As a result, I can finally say to myself that there is no need to feel self-abased about my own embarrassing past. The suffering and difficulties in the past including being excluded by members of social groups, and being censured as the other/ the inferior now become nutrients for me to understand that I am more competent and qualified to be “a good social worker.” Therefore, I will try my best to be the real me and feel comfortable in such an oppressing and conflicting society, which is also the social work profession that I should hold on to, to look for, and to put into practice.